she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize