am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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