Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
