Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
