My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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