The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it glows. i had to have it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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