...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize