drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
