I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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