Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
40s are totally the cure
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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