Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
