he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
