Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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