I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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