I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
