They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Who died my cat blue again?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize