There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
