someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
