remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
