I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
