i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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