people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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