Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
