Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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