my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
