Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
me + whiskey = a bad person
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
