when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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