If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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