I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
