I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
