So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
