5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
