i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Say something about gay babies.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
