i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
