Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
