I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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