Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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