Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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