Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
