I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You brought string cheese to the strip club
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
