You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
