he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
