thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
