i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
