i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
