8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
