I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
