Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
