Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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