How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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