i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
