you win again, gameday.
we're making bets on your personal life
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
