at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
