His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
