Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize