How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
