During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
