Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
