I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
