I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
