I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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