We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
