Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
