You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
