When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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