Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
