Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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