i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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