remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
