Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
