6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
