can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
