when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
