If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
