I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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