I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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