Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
