TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
