I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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