Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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