At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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