wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
