Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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