Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
