so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
