Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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