apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize