low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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