I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
