i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
