I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
either way he was missing a nipple.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
