So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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