his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Randomize
