I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
