When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
